dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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