I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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