i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
