I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
