jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
