Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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