So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
