You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
