Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize