No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
