Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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