Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
