um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He did a backflip because drugs
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
