So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
found the other keg... it's in the tree
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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