I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
