I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
