she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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