I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
