So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
