Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
