I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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