come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
