i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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