No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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