I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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