I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
