I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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