I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
