Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
