Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I cannot find my penis.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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