The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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