The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
