OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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