he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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