I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dont even know how to be here
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
