I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
