so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
