I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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