Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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