it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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