well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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