I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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