I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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