As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
