What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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