it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
