I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
