i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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