also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
