Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
