dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
