I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
