WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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