turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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