On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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