What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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