help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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