No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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