I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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