Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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