I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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