never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
