So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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