O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
