I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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