there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
