Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
