my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
