It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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