So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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