batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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