First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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