I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
