i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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