i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
