the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
