i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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