The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
