It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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