do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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