You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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