I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
only you would photoshop your dick
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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