So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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