I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
