why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize