Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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