someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
