Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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