After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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