The maid of honor just puked.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
